To celebrate the “fatiha”, people are invited to gather in front of a mosque right after the Maghreb prayer (Sunset) then as a crowd, they head to the house of the bride where they knok on the door loudly and ask her father or who ever is taking care of her while waiting outside and they would tell “(Mr. X, do you agree to give us your daughter Y to Mr Z?”). Abviously the answer is “yes” since everything has been arranged before and in advance.

Then one recites the “fatiha” (first sourat of Quaran made up of 7 verses) to disperse in calms while forwarding at the dependant families their best wishes of happiness and prosperity “Rabbi ywassel bessalma” (that God accompanies them to be safe and sound).

The preparations of the “mlak” (engagement) are entirely the responsibility of the bride, the groom brings only the jewelry, a sheep, dry fruits and the special cake for such occation.

In the past, future brides are carefully asked about in the “Hammam” by professional matchmakers “khataba”. They look at the form and build of her body and they check even her roots! more it is wrapped better that is worth! “talka floussek” (your money will be recovered).

The BBW “Big Beautiful Woman”, pulpy, round and strong, are always on favor. The large buttocks and well builded body are well demanded. I still do not understand why one continues to like the slender! It appears and that was shown scientifically that a woman who does not have ten kg of grease does not have ovulution. Our forefathers were perfectly right to admire the generous chests and the rebounded buttocks of the “sabbahat” who sat always in front of their weaving loom. It is more generous and maternal. They are quite fertile and better life supporter.

Nowadays in the United States it becomes a fashion called FA “Fat Admirer”. For once, we are inspired by the American.

After the festivals of “Aïd Esseghir” (End of fasting), engagement knows a great boom for the simple reason which the girls to be married leave only during the nights of “Ramadan” (fasting month). They go to the “marr” to buy new clothes for the “Aïd”. Due to the number of men, some they haress the girls “tachkil” and they try to follow them to know where they live exactly. Then they try to hide by the “Haïk” which they will use only during the wedding night.

During the period separating the engagement from the marriage the family of the future groom appears at the time of the religious festivals "mussem" by small gifts to the young bride as (underclothing, perfumes, shoes.).

Formerly, the meeting between the bride and the groom is in theory completely prohibited. It is tolerated only with the presence of a mother, a sister or a close relationship. Currently the engaged couple can leave freely to their own risks.

When the date of the marriage approaches, they preferably invite everyone after the “el asr” prayer (afternoon) inside the mosque, preferably thursday or at best friday to celebrate the “Sdak” (Marriage contract) which then is forwarded to the married couple for approval and acceptance. The bride agrees to it by her silence, her laughter or even her tears! While leaving the mosque, they distribute to all the guests a small bag of mixed sweet pills with dry fruits.

The marriage contract is written by “bailiff” or a Marital status officer from the (Municipality) with a symbolic dowry of one dinar (0,7 Euro) according to two matrimonial of marriage settlement (common or separated). Since the stone age the marriage is perceived like a partnership of silver and sex. You have to always pay your partner even symbolically. Nothing is free everything can be bought.

Do you know that the "sdak” of Kairouan (marriage contract) was before the advent of the code of personal status (CSP 13.09.1956), unique of its kind in the arab-Moslem world. The husband could not get engaged to a second woman without the consent of his first wife. In the contrary case the first woman could get divorce automatically with complete freedom. And for this reason polygamy was not extremely widespread in Kairouan.

During the week which precedes the marriage one will arrange to carry the “Farch” (literally bed). It is a question of transporting the “jehaz” (all what belongs) to the bride including the beauty products, “Nhass”, particularly jewely gifts “Siyagha”, obligatorily containing a “khomsa” (the form of a hand with five fingers intended to defeat the evil eye), the mattresses, the blankets (abana & tajlila), house carpets of the bride where the engaged couple make a small tour with “Sayed Sahbi” in voluntary cars and trucks rolling in brass band.

As for the of furniture (responsability of the groom) currently contains many pieces as “Bit noum” (Bedroom), “bit ftour” (dining room), “bit qâad” (living room) without forgetting the stove, the furnace, the refrigerator, TV and even the stereo and the digital satellite receiver. Evverything is bought with credit (short term), medium term (5 years) is reserved later for the popular car (4 CV) “châabia”. The long term (20/30 years) it is for the house.

In the term of treating the “kimbial” you discover a pugnacious couple whose favorite sport is pugilism. Then the advice is to decline their dining invitation until the end of the month!

Formerly and not very far, in the seventies the “moubilia” (furniture) does include only a "farch” (bed), a “glass” (dresser) and a hairdresser in varnished purple wood bought in the cabinetmaker of the corner, the most famous of one in Kairouan is Mr “khemaîs GARAYA” (today a disappearing trade in front of the huge profit from the furniture industry, which are genetically modified).

A little back in time and exactly at the beginning of the XXe century, poor and rich people of our ancestors uses neither chairs nor armchairs. They sit on the ground and eat around the “mida” (coffee table).

Sometimes, they use wooden banks, sometimes with balustrades leant against the wall. A drawer rack called “marfaâ”, a wooden carved and paintedd drawer including the belonging of the bride called “Rbaâ”, small jewel cases “kanaouita” offered by the groom before the marriage which has slid covers called “feniq”.

The glass dresser replaces the drawers, the armchairs and the wooden banks. Traditional furniture yields the pitch to stereotyped European furniture and product in line.

Then the bride “laroussa” prepares for the “outiya” festival (goodbye festival of the bachelor) which starts with “khelouat Al hamam” (reserved exculsively to the hamam) with harkous and Henna “tabaâne Al henna” (literally printing of the henna).

The first night, during the day one serve the “ftayer & sfenj” (donuts) like breakfast as well as “hlalem bil kaddid” (with dried meat) for the lunch.

The second night is reserved for the “tonkia” (depilation with lemon) practiced by the “hanana” (traditional make-up lady which avoids the bride to pose for the henna, depilates and hairdress it while blowing some advices in her ear!)

Formerly, in addition to henna and harkous, “Hennana” put also “dabgha” (black decoction containing lime of rosemary, iron oxide and is used for dyeing the eyebrows, prolonging them, rectifying them or accentuating the forms of them), the “kohl” (antimony powder which one puts on the contour of the eyes in order to emphasize them), the “sabgha” (black coloring obtained containing plants that one anneals with the oil and of various products in particular the cloves), the “mardouma” (grass decoction containing “aâfs”, “hadida” and of crushed cloves being used as black dyeing for the hair), the “swak” (bark of embedding being used to bleach the gums and to give a red alluring to the mouth) and the “louben” (chewing gum)

The third night is called the large “henna” night (“henna Kebira”). We turn the bride seven times around the same place “tajlia”. She changes her traditional costumes of evening at least four to five times.

During the next day, they slaughter a sheep for the occasion to serve dishes to the guests. Then they took one or two days of rest before passing to the ceremony of marriage itself.

For the preparations, they feed the bride fatty food for a whole week. Usually, the bride is kept in the shade in order not to damage her skin; she gains weight to be better polished and get ready for the “tounkia”.

As for the groom “larouss”, he starts initially by decorating the door of the house with palm leaves from “jerid” so that the passenger can understand that there is a marriage in the horizon.

Then he prepares a small party to his neighbours and friends called the “Rechq” generally animated by a popular orchestra “Hezb” or “banga” with “azouma or ardha” (dinner invitation) or “couscous bil allouche” is the king prepared by a “Tabakh” (cook) recruited for the occasion.

People also come to offer their wishes and especially to contribute at the expenses of the marriage. Each contributor is called in full public with the corresponding sum which will be giving which is registered on an entrusted list given to the groom to take care of later. All this ceremonial proceeds in the patio “western eddar” which is covered from the bad weather.

Tea , coffee and cake will be served the traditional way. Other sweets as makhroud, ghreïba, baklaoua are served late in the night. The festival continues for 7 days a week. As for the marriage ceremony itself, unfortunately there are old and traditional culture that drive them crazy.

Formerly and more precisely in the Seventies, the groom “larouss” always surrounded by the members of his family and his closest unmarried friends. After having been in the “Hammam” (Turkish bath), the next morning they head to the hairdresser then in the afternoon, they go for a face lift.

At “Maghreb” time (sunset), they move to a friend’s house in the city where discussion of marriage advantages takes place.

While the groom changes talks with his hairdresser his unmarried friends, where do not stop specifically singing an old lyric specifically for the city of Kairouan.

“ASSLA RSOULA A BRIKOU SALMA ARRASHA SALMA ASSLA THE RSOULA”

الصلاة علي رسول الله أبريكوا سالمة علي رأسها سالمة الصلاة غلي رسول الله

صلي علي رسول الله

صلي علي النبي تربح

الصلاة علي رسول الله

Then they will slowly leave by feet with random stops until they reach his place while they spike from time to time on his buttocks! (acupuncture type related to the city of Kairouan to increase his libido.) Supported by two viziers (ministers) carrying the same costume as him (a costume or a jebba) and whose role in addition to the accompaniment consists in lavishing certain intimate rites to adhere to.

Most people already know those initial rituals at “Bahija” in the “Zanka touila” (literally the long lane -district) close to “bab Tounes” where everyone took his first taste.

Many others are extremely shameful and are still virgin not knowing only the “skhoun” (heat) in the “hammam”, then they advance with staggering fear and fatigue!

The folkloric band (Hezb or Banga) are at their peak point, they create a good environment of dances in the street mixed with the odor of the “bkhour” (incense).

At each passage of the bridal cortege in front of a coffee shop , the owner in person presents his wishes according to an old rite which consists in pouring a full bowl of coffee in the street from beginning to end.

And thus the festivities nights continues creating a fairly good environment that will last for hours and hours before the groom reach his place to find his lovely lady well dressed, surrounded by family and friends carrying “fouta and blouza”, sexy with great make up, where her mom is standing around complaining as always that the groom is too ugly as discussed for a while during months ago.

He sits for a moment near the bride “Sodra” while a women folkloric group “Hadharat” continues singing the “taalila” to animate the evening until late in the night. Inside the house the instructions are clear, no man can enter except the groom.
Before crossing the threshold of the gate they make him taste candies. The “hanana” (make-up maker) request with insistence to the groom the “taâriyet eznoud” (literally revealing the back arms of the groom). The “hanana” just like the hairdresser advises also the bride to go on the feet of the groom the evening of the weddings in the hope to dominate him later in life “taâfisset erjel”.

To ensure everyone of the good virginity of his wife, the groom will systematically leave to his mother a nightdress stained with blood of the bride to show to the neighbors (rarely practiced today) or a perfume bottle “Kounoulia” (eau de Cologne) more practical and more widespread because the approach of the intercourse is sometimes hard particularly if the bride is “msafha” (dependant- i.e. that someone has removed her sexual capacity to preserve her virginity and to protect it (rite of “tasfih” still practiced nowadays).

Same thing with the groom except that the ritual was practiced without his knowledge by jealous women “Rbat”. Then if one forgot to release it before the marriage day, the groom will quickly seek “çahfat Al hallane” (opening cup). To make the “tasfih” take place with the blade, they will make small cuts on the right knee of the girl while making her swallow seven dry grapes coated with blood while making her repeat the phrase “I am the yarn, he is the wall ".

After having carried out the “doukhla” (entrance), you have guessed what act will take place!!! The groom does not stay inside his room, he will pass the remainder of the night to celebrate the event surrounded by his buddies dancing at the rhythm of the “mezoued” (bagpipe with goatskin) and “reboukh” (popular spectacle) until dawn.

The next morning “sbah” they invites everyone to the breakfast primarily made up of Hlalem, spaghettis and of Sfenjs which will arrive in wooden plates.

Nowadays, the groom does not go any more on feet but by limousine to seek his future wife from the hairdresser to bring her in a cortege of cars to the reserved festival room which is reserved in advance whose prices vary between 300 and 1000 TD (Tunisian Dinars) (210-700 Euro) where the ceremony is handled by a musical band that will last for a short period of time (two hours) but for how much does it cost?

Add to that the salted refreshing pastry, drinks (orange juice, lemonade, soda, mineral water.) and even ices sorbets without counting the photographer and the video-man.

Statistics point of view, my grand mother got married at the age of thirteen, my mother at age of 17, and me at the age of twenty four.

Currently the national average of marriage comes very close to thirty years (29,2 years to be exactly). Do not panic the average age progresses too.

With the last statistics of the INS, it is 70,8 years for the men and 75 years for the women. it is that the quality of life improves appreciably.

Good continuation and “inchallah farhatek” (if god wants you to get married) if you are unmarried, “farhat aâzeb” (if god wants it you will have a baby boy) with the masculine PLEASE and “azba” (girl) if you are coldly married or “farhat laouled” (if god wants, you will arrange for your children to get married) if you are already a dad.

“Inchallah” (if god wants) is a formula used frequently to express its tender with the will of god with regard to the wishes and the facts to come.

Mohamed Rebai
info@kairouan.org